Sunday, February 19, 2012

"It'll make your jaw drop" Steve Jobs


The sun was high and the weather was gorgeous for February in Western Canada.  Nothing out of the ordinary had happened.  A typical Wednesday…work, get snapped at by the boss, fake smile, work out, back to work…but then it all went awry.

I opened the door to freedom and began hurriedly walking towards my car.  Gym bag and purse over one shoulder, keys dangling expectantly from my finger, phone & iPod clutched in my hand.

Then it happened.  It was like the sky opened and a Godly force came and struck me from above.  Everything changed in that instant.  My heavy gym bag pulled me to the ground as I slipped, the contents of my purse spilled dramatically onto the frosted concrete…then time slowed. 

I felt it happen before I saw it happen.  I heard the crack in my mind before the sound registered in my ears.  My fourth generation iPod touch…my calendar, my camera, my boombox, my internet browser… fell. 

I picked it up as quickly as I good, hoping the 5 second rule would apply and it wouldn’t be broken if I got to it quickly enough.  I was wrong.  The screen had shattered starting in the corner and spider webbed it’s way to the middle. 
My first thought was, “It’s just snow.”
My second thought was, “This is a nightmare…wake up!”
Then reality.  “This just happened.  The most valuable, compact, dependable product I own is ruined.”

I blindly walked to my car and in an emotional black out, I started the engine.  I don’t remember driving home that night.

Upon wiping the tears from eyes and telling myself, “I can get it fixed” I tested it for functionality. 

How relieved was I to find out that I could still play Words with Friends!  That my music was still there!  My calendar was still full!  I could still take too many photos of my cats and post them ALL to Instagram!

I turned, went outside, and beamed to the sky.  The God that I had so previously shunned had smiled upon me!  The cosmetic damage to my iPod was tragic…She was going to be disfigured forever; but Her innards, Her guts…they were still going!

I spent the next few days online trying to find a credible repairperson that could replace my screen promptly.  I found very little.  All the reliable businesses in Calgary charged less than impressive fees to fix the screen and wanted to have my precious iPod in their possession for 3-5 business days.  So I made the decision to get a very good quality case to prevent the shatter from spreading, and to budget carefully for the next few months until I could afford an iPhone.

I am telling you this story, with added dramatic flare for a reason.  Saturday mornings are my favorite time of the week.  I catch up on my TV from the week, drink a pot of coffee, reorganize my playlists, edit some photos on my macbook Pro, catch up on celebrity gossip while facetiming with my out of town friend, and rejuvenate myself from a stressful week.

This Saturday (today) was different.  I woke up disgruntled from a restless sleep, the coffee was awful, and my cats were sick.  I was ready for a terrible day.  I was angry, anxious, and ready to go throw some air punches at the gym so I looked tougher than I felt.

But, I drank my terrible coffee, hoisted my cats on to the couch, turned on my shows from the week, and opened my macbook Pro.

Everything changed.

Upon plugging in my iPod syncing cord, I felt in control.
I looked past Her shattered screen and scratched back and revaluated what was in side Her.
When iTunes launched I felt that the possibilities were endless.
My photos synced to iPhoto and seamlessly loaded themselves into my album “iPod Photos = Daily Appreciation for the Beautiful.”
Genius started searching songs I should buy based on what I already had in my collection.
My iPod BINGED with delight as my worthy opponent made a fatal move in Words With Friends.

I took a sip of coffee, and then I began.

I furiously started entering songs into YouTube for a lengthy preview, I loaded pictures into Color Splash and Photo Lite to make them come alive, I caught up on my news, my gossip, and my fashion trends of the week.

About an hour into my process, it clicked. 

No matter how little I slept or how sick my furry four legged friends were, my dependable, inventive, entertaining Apple products, would ALWAYS cheer me up, allow me to be creative, and help me build playlists for the gym called “Air punch, kick, run faster” without being judgmental.

So, thank you Apple.  Thank you for having products that make me smile all the time, work all the time, and make my Saturday mornings lively.  I have decided to skip the risky repair man and visit an Apple store for a suggestion on how to repair, replace, or upgrade my much loved, much needed, 4th generation iPod touch.


Saturday, February 18, 2012

I'm lost, I've gone to look for myself, if I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait

It's been a while since I blogged.
I have  been in this incredibly lovey bubbly pink place called Happy.
It is glorious, have you been?
Life is amazing.

That is a lie, life is confusing.

It's 8:30 on a Saturday night and I spent the day prepping for tonight, but I just ran 5 miles and now I am blogging.  So yes, life is confusing.

I've put in a lot of work, and at the same time, none at all to be happy.  I have learned that letting go really is key to acceptance and thus happiness.  I have realized that the beautiful people in my life love me and that I am worth something to them.  I have grown in to the person that I always wanted to be.

But tonight, I am struggling.  Hence the blogging, running, and chain smoking.  I almost went to the Yardhouse tonight.  For those of you who really know me, you know what that means and how bad that is.  I wanted to feel numb, then I realized I already did.  So I let God lead me safely home to my treadmill and my MacBook Pro.  Big shout out to the man in the sky!

I don't know where to start with my feelings because it has been so long since I blogged that I am sure everyone except Steph will be lost if I start at now.  But I am selfish, and my fingers are cold, thus I shall start at tonight.

I have spent a great deal of energy lately, not forced energy, just energy, showing my partner that I love him, respect him, and cherish him very much.  I tell him I love him every day.  I rub his feet.  I stretch him out.  I make him fancy nachos,  I schedule "I love you - Lasagna" nights, just so he knows how much I care.  I was told tonight that I don't appreciate him and that nothing he does is good enough.  Okay fine, to be honest, and before you say, "well he is an ass!!", I did get a little pissed on Valentine's Day because I had to wait until 10pm to get my card, and I did blame him for me waking up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.  So admittedly, I am not perfect.

I was told tonight via text that there was a problem and that we would talk about it later, but we didn't.  Which is mostly my fault as I am a terrible face to face communicator and I usually just shut down.
Tonight I really tried though!
I dressed cute, then some stranger rolled down their window and whistled, which in turn got my outfit called "skanky."
I took him to the Keg, but there was an hour wait at two of them.
I didn't probe, I didn't pester, and I didn't nag!  I didn't even cry!
It was suggested strongly that I spend the night at my house after dinner was a bust and tensions were running high, so I calmly left (didn't even slam the door), got in my car, and safely drove home.
I haven't texted, called, or left any mildly physco letters under his door.

So, here I am blogging kind of lonely, questioning what is next, and still smoking.
My partner is a wonderful even tempered man who I love beyond words, who hasn't expressed anything but love for months, but perhaps he is right...perhaps I don't show my appreciation enough, maybe I am still angry despite all the work I have put in, or maybe, and I pray I am wrong it is just not meant to be.

I guess it is time to practice what I preached at the beginning of this blog - Let Go.  Tonight I shall enjoy my alone time, get some sleep, love my cats, and remember that no matter what happens at the end of the day, there is still tomorrow.