a little X intervention

“If he’s foolish enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go”

My best friend sent me that quote the other day and it got me thinking…maybe I AM good enough.  When X left, he said, “You’re just not good enough for me.”  He has since revoked the statement, but it still stings.  To be told you aren’t good enough, is like not getting that job, or  not making the team…it is just an unfortunate feeling.  It plays with your pride, and messes with your ego.  I have had this inferiority complex the past few weeks.  On some days it is in full swing and I cant see past the bad skin, flat hair, and thunder thighs into the goodness that is ME.  On other days, I am so PROUD to be who I am and so grateful for all the gifts that God has given me.

I ask Him every morning to direct my thinking and to help me help others.  I have a forever prayer list, and I pray for those people everyday with the hope that TODAY they will see the light of His love.  But sometimes I wonder, is Anyone listening?  My thinking can get so convoluted with negativity and my actions can so easily be impulsive reactions that it makes me wonder if I am truly doing the next RIGHT thing, or if I am doing MY thing. 

I think back to that quote Krissy sent me Monday a lot and I find I can apply it to many circumstances in my life, but mostly with my struggles of letting go.  I don’t like to let go; one of my biggest fears is losing people.  Though, I am SURE someone would tell me that is selfish.  I hold on to people.  I charm, smile, laugh, and REFUSE to let go of people I love because the thought of them being happy without me, hurts me.  I want to be good enough for someone.  I want to be the reason that someone smiles first thing in the morning and person that someone can go to when they need to smile again.  But, who am I to play God?

So, when I am lost and feeling purposeless, I think about that quote, “… be smart enough to let him go.”  Nothing happens in God’s world by accident….I have to remember I am not the Master, and I have to just Live and Let Live…as best as I can…just for today.