Butterflies

I have this stupid grin on my face.  I can't stop laughing.  I am told that I look better.  My shoulders are rolled back and my head is high.  Why the sudden change in behaviour?  I am the fake happy girl- the one who smiles when appropriate but really inside feels like she is getting stabbed in the gut.  Not these days though, lately I am really happy, all the time.  I smile because I want to and because I mean it, and I laugh with my entire soul.
How!  Why!  What did I do to change!
I let go.
I let go of the pain, the angst, the hurt, the disappointment, and the anger.
then I opened myself up, as wide as I could, and I let myself be flooded with whatever feeling came my way.
I cried in the arms of a good friend one night, I smoked too many cigarettes for a couple weeks, and I journaled Carrie Bradshaw style until I felt normal.  And when I felt normal, and I opened my eyes and I looked around at all the beauty the world has to offer- I discovered what over indulging in yoga, running, friendships, and new crushes can do.  I sprang free of resentment and expectations and began to love again.  Really truly love- but not X, or Z....I began to love Y (I am Y).
I realized one morning that I am so okay with who I am.  And I lead the most charmed life.
When I began to be happy, i began to attract happy people.
I have someone in my life these days who makes me laugh (SO HARD) and makes me feel safe when he hugs me.  I am finally not walking on eggshells, or trying to be someone I am not, and it feels so good!

So, open yourself up.  To pain, to hurt, to joy! to freedom...
be one with yourself and God as you understand Him.  Pray, meditate, journal.  And believe that everything that is meant to happen, WILL happen.

Understand that without openness, you are nothing, that without hope the world will die, and without love, new or old, the heart will cease to beat.

Make decisions as they come- don't wait.
Pay compliments as people deserve them.
Forgive when it is needed, not only when it is deserved.
And FEEL.  Most importantly, just feel.