It doesn’t interest me what drives you, motivates you, scares you, or lifts you up…it interests me what sustains you. What keeps you going when all else fails? What makes you wake up in the morning? What feeds your soul and keeps your belief alive? How do you get through when all else fails? What is your life preserver when there is nothing else to hold on to? What do you ache for….
For me it is love. Love for myself and those around me. Love for my family and friends. Love for my brothers and sisters in the room.
Love makes me wake up in the morning with a smile on my face. Love gets me through hard yoga classes and endurance runs. Love pushes me to be the best possible version of myself all the time. Love convinces me that even on the hardest days, I will be okay.
I have love for my parents and I have faith they will stay together, happy, and free for the rest of their lives. I have love for my siblings and know that they will find what they are looking for. I have love for my friends who have gone before me, as I know they are in their resting place with Him residing over their spirits. I have love for God as I understand Him, as it is he who keeps my faith alive.
But what is there to find love in when my heart feels like it is cracked beyond repair? What is there to love and who am I to remain faithful when my mom gets cancer? Why am I to believe in love when the person I have given my all too just leaves? Love and disappointment can go hand in hand for me. Love and darkness find themselves side by side in my heart far too often. But without darkness, there can be no light. And those wounds, left so raw and open after so many years are healed by love. By loving myself, my family, and the new and old friends in my life a, I can have faith that the eventual light will shine from the darkness. The self inflicted pains of loneliness are cured by love. The fear of cancer is squashed by loving our sick friends as much as we can. We become understanding that people must leave us to save themselve.
It isn’t easy. It isn’t at all. But love feeds my spirit and my soul. Love keeps me alive. Love gives me hope. Love sustains me. What sustains you when all else fails and you are left alone and scared?
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