Reset

My little brother Scott said one day over dinner, “the great thing about life, is you can start over anytime you want.” (or something very similar).

Where did this tall handsome 17 year old get such wisdom- not from me that is for sure!

But how true it is.  No matter low we have fallen on our spiritual totem pole, there is always that reset button we can hit.  No, it is not the EASY button but the emotional restart that we as humans are capable of choosing is a beautiful thing.  Days can be long, arduous, troubling things and when we live in that….chaos, we lose track with our true being, but when we step back, look at the big picture, and make the choice to turn it over and start again- we are gifted with a fresh start.

Easy enough sounding right?  For me I can reset the day with a great cup of coffee, a phone date with my mom, or a visit to a friend over the lunch hour.  Restarting my day isn’t about what other people can for me, it is about what I can do for myself.  I’ve learned lately that I am the true master of my destiny, and with the exception of God, I have the most control over my life.  Choosing to be happy, faithful, honest, kind, positive, and sober is the choice I make every day.  Knowing that I have the power to control ONLY my actions is a relieving thing.  I don’t know what the reply to a text carefully speaking my mind that says, “I miss you” will be, nor do I know the reaction of the other person when I bring them coffee over lunch.  I can hope both responses will be positive because I have acted lovingly and honestly, but I cannot expect them to be that way.  When I have an expectation for things to happen, I am building a resentment almost immediately.  Being expectation-less does not mean that we allow ourselves to be treated poorly or disrespectfully; it means that we allow things to happen as they are supposed to happen.  I take things one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time.  But when things are really bad, to the point where I am tempted to isolate, lie, or even pick up a drink…I can always just start again.

 I was in a rough spot yesterday.  My trust issues became very clear to me, and again I was faced with my fear of losing people.  I was angry, sad, shameful, and guilty.  I felt like my bubble had been popped and again I was just a zombie going through the motions of life but refusing to feel. I do that when I am feeling down, I refuse to feel anything to avoid the sadness.  I simply couldn’t find my reset button to turn things around.  So, I picked up the phone.  I talked to a friend about where I was at, how I was feeling, and the fact that I was so stressed out I was punishing myself by not eating again.  By the time I finished talking to my friend, I realized he had hit my reset button for me.  How lucky am I to have friends who will do that for me?  Talk me through my confusion and love me until I figure stuff out.  My friend calls himself the “donkey”, and it makes sense, as he has carried me through a lot of stuff.

No matter where you are at or how far down you think you’ve gone, remember to have faith that everything will turn out.  There are no such things as accidents in your life.  You have the most control over your thoughts and actions….exercise that control carefully and be your best self.  And when you can’t be…start again.  Scottie always has it together so I may as well take his advice!