It is what it is

I have moments, flashes, brief seconds...of sadness, fear, self pity, and loneliness.  I start thinking that I will never be smart enough, pretty enough, nice enough, skinny enough...ENOUGH, to be loved.  That evolves into a belief that I’ll be alone forever, perhaps in the company of a few (hundred) cats, and my favourite little brother Scott- because he loves me too much to see me suffer alone.  When those thoughts are fully developed, I start crying, getting angry, and often throwing a boot (these mental flashes happen the most often when I get home to an empty house).  To fully take advantage of the range of emotions that wallowing in self pity evokes, I then start cursing God.  How DARE He make me so awful?  How DARE He have me fall in love with the most unattainable people?  How DARE He make Coach shoulder bags $1,200.00?

What happens is next is quite delightful.  I give myself the kind of pep talk that I imagine a famous boxer would give himself before the mouth guard goes in and his forehead is lubed up.  I sometimes throw a couple air punches and if I have the space, a good round house kick.  Then, I put my boot right side up, tuck my hair behind my ears, and tell myself, “come on Princess, put on your grown up panties and get on with it.”  And to ensure I am back in control, I put in a load of laundry and once again feel OK.

So, whatever it is that makes you angry at God (or Whomever), throw articles of clothing, cry (even though you are like me and likely wear too much bronzer to REALLY cry), just remember, it’s going to be okay.  Hearts break every second.  People are let down, led on, and rejected hundreds of times a day (on a per person basis I think!!!).  It is what it is my friends.  Acceptance is key to happiness and emotional freedom; get pissed off and sad and resentful....but don’t wallow in it.  The thick heavy blanket that is self pity is so satisfying and so easy to get comfortable in, but it will never be worth it.  Love yourself as much as you can today and little bit more tomorrow, and let other people just live.

Sometimes, as we journey through life we take a wrong turn.  We can pull over and “shoulda woulda coulda” until our eyes are swollen from crying and our fists are sore from pounding the steering wheel, OR we can buckle up and just go with it.  Because at the end of day, the only control I have, is over how I react to things.